Welcoming Whole Self Home
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
- Rumi
Concept
To welcome your whole self home is a practice of conscious developmental integration. We all have a past - experiences, people, belief systems that have shaped our development. When any of these have been painful and we are activated in fear, we have a tendency to resist, deny or cave to the “bad parts”. Taking a pause from our internal dialogue and being present with our whole self allows a compassionate foundation for growth & healing.
Story
I was in my late 20’s and hiking with my husband in British Columbia. The hike was a mix of fear and cautious joy for me. Being alone, off the grid, miles from cell service and a coffee shop is the kind of thing where my husband thrives and I panic. It takes me at least 2 miles in before I settle down and somewhat lose myself in the sublime beauty of big nature.
We weaved along the trail, through old growth cedars and firs, catching glimpses of the Salish Sea. I lost track of time while vigilantly staring down corners of the forest where twigs snapped and remembering how to make myself big if a pack of wolves showed up (maybe that one was fire).
I was also wrestling with typical late 20’s identity pieces - who was I meant to be versus who I was told to be, finding my values rather than only following the belief system I was given, accepting the pain I had endured and the pain I had created for others. The polarities were tugging at me and I was burdened with a false perception of needing to make a choice. The fear of being physically harmed activated my deeper, more existential fears.
After a while I became weary of all that fear and started to notice the smell of fresh air, felt the give of the soft Earth beneath my boots, looked out and caught the vast expanse of ocean and islands. And it hit me. I was missing it. I was missing all of it because I was so activated in my fear. I paused and began to remember my mindfulness practice, made for the first open space, and I stopped.
I sat gazing at the sea and gave up. For years my mindfulness practice had been part of my anti-anxiety plan. Meditation, yoga, breathing techniques, journaling - I tried whatever my therapists and mentors had taught me from a place of triage mode. I waited until the anxiety started creeping in, the fear took over, or my body was exhausted then I would practice out of fear of getting worse. My mindfulness was a desperate act of not losing myself.
But in that moment a small shift occurred. What if there was no way I could lose myself? I allowed the fear to just be and opened to all the additional experiences inside of joy, awe, love, connection, gratitude. Fully present to my human experience and the fear started to let go. As a recalibration occurred I heard an inner voice say, “All of you is welcome here. You don’t have to choose. You can just be.”
Allowing all the parts - the fear, the joy, the critic, the nature lover, the safety checker, the partner, the scared child, the therapist, the somebody, the nobody - allowing it all and not having to fix any of it, I could breathe and focus on giving myself a little love and compassion.
We often try to categorize our inner dialogue as good or bad, acceptable or shameful, helpful or unhelpful. Welcoming our whole self home is a practice of letting go of the polarities, the fix-it energy, the judgment and allowing us to be fully human. From that space we can bring more kindness and awareness to our lives and make conscious choices for meaningful action.
Practice
Set a timer for 3 to 5 minutes. Sit comfortably and breathe in a way that feels nourishing to your body.
Place one hand on your heart and practice one of the statements below.
I allow my whole self home.
I allow all parts of my experience to be present.
I offer myself kindness and compassion.