Ok, It’s Time to Read the News

Oct 29

How to Support Our Children (and Ourselves) in this Election

**William Martin**

“If you can see in every moment a chance to live, and to accept, and to appreciate, your children will transform the world.”

Story

“Stop exposing yourself to a negative and fearful news cycle.”
If you’ve heard me speak on stress management, burnout, energy management, or mindful living, you know I often say this. It’s a “low-hanging fruit” strategy for preserving mental health in a world where fear sells far better than love.

But today, I’m saying turn it back on. Even if watching the news makes you anxious, sick, or angry, these responses are rational given today’s context. It’s time to channel that energy into meaningful action. It’s election time.

To clarify—when I suggest limiting media exposure as self-care, I don’t mean ignoring reality. I mean being mindful of how we consume news and recognizing the influences behind it. “Turning off the news” is a privilege. Most people don’t have the luxury of disconnecting and ignoring the suffering around them—and I would never advocate for that. But cognitive dissonance is high right now and some of the scariest statements I’ve heard in this political cycle are:

“We don’t need to think about that.”

“This is just how the world is.”

“They don’t really mean what they are saying (or doing).”

“Turn your thoughts to more positive things.”

I’m writing this post because I’m a parent and a mental health professional working with teens, parents, and families. I see what young people are grappling with today, and it’s heartbreaking. Now is the time for adults to lean in, engage with their feelings, and have hard conversations to help our young people through this challenging period (and it might just help us too).

What’s Different Now?

This election cycle is different. It’s not just the divisive nature of it; it’s the 24/7 access to news and disturbing images, the rise of people in power who openly speak about taking revenge on opponents, and the careless, divisive statements suggesting racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, and classism, are okay. It’s the open hostility and support of those who would incite violence and dismantle Democracy. We’re seeing leaders use inflammatory language toward fellow citizens, even justifying violence for their beliefs. We’re seeing religious leaders push for candidates who openly defy the very morals the religions espouse to embody. This is deeply confusing and scary for children and teens, especially when it’s wrapped up in political party labels that feel stark and binary.

Growing up in Alabama, I remember the football rivalry between Alabama and Auburn, a game where competition (ideally) ended with a level of tolerated sportsmanship. Yet, sports sometimes became an outlet for aggression, and I would hear people make jokes about their chosen rival fans being “rednecks” or question their intelligence. I share this because I hope it feels absurd—to categorically dismiss a massive group of people you don’t know because they are not your team. One would hope that with rivalry it would be put down after the game, and those questionable narratives would not influence work, relationships, day-to-day life. But I know more than one friend in Alabama who didn’t get the interview because they were from the wrong school. That rivalry pales in comparison to what we see today, where many feel triggered simply by passing a political sign and what it represents. I’ve heard children and adults share that when they see certain political signs in yards they no longer feel that a neighbor is safe. How did we get to this place?

Attuning to Kid Fears

As a Human Development therapist and well-being coach, I’m biased. My training is about what it takes for a human to grow. Growth is intrinsically healthy. When humans grow, it means we’re getting the connection and nourishment needed to support our life. Growth happens in a state of love. Fear, hate, abuse, unintegrated anger, and trauma, can impede our growth and keep us stuck in cycles of suffering. We need loving support to feel, integrate our experience, and return to a state of growth - to heal.

In my 20 years of work, I’ve seen that suffering isn’t just an “internal weakness.” The outside world profoundly impacts us. I remember working at an eating disorder clinic in Miami, where we would say, “Genetics load the gun; environment pulls the trigger.” It’s a violent metaphor, but it highlights how environment plays a role in suffering.

Our role as adults in the lives of children is to help them move their suffering into an integrated experience so that they can grow into responsible, healthy adults. Consider that a house is wired for electricity, but it needs a switch to turn on the light. We adults have the power every day to help our kids build this internal architecture—to “turn on the lights” in their own mental and emotional rooms. Imagine creating a room for compassion, discernment, love, healthy relationships, and meaningful work. What kind of rooms do you want in your child’s inner home? What values do we hope to pass on?

Attunement is the skill of helping someone feel felt - feel seen, heard, and valued. It’s a dropped-in state of awareness and quality of attention where we are emotionally, intellectually, and physically present with another person. In this place, we resonate with others. When centered adults create attunement for children, they help kids to calm their nervous system response and feel a sense of safety and belonging. Kid fears need regulated adults who can be present and help the child to metabolize their big feelings.

What happens when an unhealthy force is shaping our child’s inner room? To leave a child alone in fear and uncertainty, can create an inner hellscape of worry. And I will tell you the kids are worried. We don’t have to say a thing for this to happen. They are hearing classmates at lunch, seeing signs and ads, overhearing parents who think they’re quietly sharing, learning science in classrooms, watching YouTube suggested videos…Tik Tok (you get the idea).

Here are some of the general things I’m hearing from young people and parents:

Kids are worried about the future of our planet just by learning climate science. I’ve heard third-graders say they don’t know if they’ll ever have children because of the predictions for our planet if things don’t change.

Kids are worried about their friends, parents, and themselves based on who they fundamentally are. I’ve heard kids ask if their multi-racial or religious family will be safe to be together if a certain candidate wins.

Teens are worried about getting pregnant in the future and what will happen if they get raped, need a procedure for a miscarriage, or have a circumstance where they are at medical risk.

Teens are worried about not having fair representation and opportunity as they apply for college or the workforce.

Teens are worried when their religious leader tells their family to vote for a candidate who is speaking and behaving in violation of the morals they’ve been told to adhere to.

Teens are worried about being called into the military and are trying to figure out how they feel about war and defending their country.

Kids are worried about being targeted for a hate behavior based on something fundamental to their identity like the color of their skin.

I could fill several pages with all of the fears I’ve heard. Some of these have been coming on for a while, but others are very specifically related to this election. So how do we help them?

Our Kids Need Support—Not Reassurance

“It’s all going to be okay,” isn’t working right now. Alleviating this level of anxiety won’t happen by simply telling kids “not to worry.” We can’t use a “head-in-the-sand” approach to calm kids. All it takes is a quick look at the news or a conversation at their locker for young people to understand that things are not okay. But we can use this moment of fear to help them feel secure in their experience as humans. We can do a lot for our kids in times like this—and, in doing so, we also support ourselves.

Human fear needs movement, processing, and a return to safety. This is a major reason why I do not offer sitting-still mindfulness practices when fear is in play. It can feel extremely unsafe and create an increase in anxiety. Here is a list of healthy supportive actions we can take to help young people (and us) to move this collective fear into meaningful action.

Supportive Action

Adults Get Curious and Informed

Set a timer and do two internet searches: 1. General search for 2024 election updates and see what pops up. Notice themes, headlines, click-bait, tone, and feelings evoked. 2. Search vetted, reliable news sources and reflect on how what you’re reading could impact your kids and their future.
Listen deeply to your kids to pick up on themes, non-verbal responses, increases in anxiety

Create Safe Spaces for Open Discussion

Encourage and create an environment where kids feel comfortable asking questions. Reinforce that it's okay to be curious or even confused by what they hear and see.
Let kids know they won’t be judged for expressing their thoughts or feelings, whether they’re anxious, frustrated, or hopeful.
“That’s interesting. I’d love to hear more.” “How do you feel about that?” “Why do you think that is?” “What do you feel needs to happen?”

Discuss Family & Cultural Values

Decide on 3-5 family values that everyone can lean into and use as a baseline for understanding information. Our school uses: Honor, Compassion, Respect, and Responsibility.
Openly discuss human rights, dignity, service, democracy - lean in to talking with kids about how our country was founded and the ideals upon which it was built. You can increase complexity with a child’s age. Also, ask them what they’re learning in school and engage with what they know.
“As a family, we believe in these values. How can we live these right now?”

Model Emotional Regulation and Thoughtfulness

Parents and caregivers can model how to respond to emotional or polarizing topics calmly and responsibly. Even acknowledging that adults are impacted too can help normalize their reactions and offer a sense of shared experience.
Demonstrate skills for managing stress or frustration, like pausing to take a breath, seeking clarification, and setting aside moments to process important topics.
Especially for kids younger than 10 years old, parents getting angry or feeling emotionally out of control can create distress and anxiety for a kid. They might take a comment literally as immediate danger like, “They’re going to destroy our country.” Or, “We will no longer be safe in our country.” Sounds scary, right?

Keep Age-Appropriate Contexts

For younger children, focus on broader themes like kindness, empathy, and the importance of working together rather than getting into divisiveness.
With teens, who may have more exposure and interest, encourage critical thinking by exploring how people arrive at different views and values. Support them in finding reliable information sources, and empower them to engage thoughtfully rather than reactively.
Adults do not emotionally vomit on children. Save venting for your peers. Emotional dysregulation from adults can make kids feel unsafe and alone.
For everyone, naming feelings and supporting each other with ways to work with those feelings can help. Also good to remind people to “look for the helpers,” as Mr. Rogers would say.

Emphasize Respect and Empathy

Remind them that while people may have different beliefs or opinions, it’s possible (and valuable) to respect others. Highlight how empathy can help them navigate challenging conversations and conflicts. The recent floods in North Carolina have been a fruitful topic for comparing empathy-based and meaningful action responses to divisive and misinformation reactivity.
Teens might benefit from practicing empathy exercises, where they imagine themselves in another person’s shoes to understand a different viewpoint.
“Why do you think someone feels this?” “How would you respond if you were in a similar situation?” “What values are showing up in the presidential candidates?” “What does a person act like/sound like when they are coming from empathy and respect?”

Use Media Mindfully

Suggest limiting news exposure to avoid overwhelm, especially if it’s distressing. Families can set times to check in with the news together and then discuss reactions in a balanced way.
Check parental controls on devices young children use so they do not accidentally get an ad or video that is scary.
Reading the news is less shocking to the system than hearing detailed emotional accounts and seeing images.
Be mindful of news stories playing when children are in the car.
Encourage activities that ground them in the present—spending time in nature, exercising, or engaging in creative outlets—to counterbalance any media-driven stress.

Maintain Routines and Stability

Highlight the importance of sticking to daily routines for a sense of normalcy and control. Routines, especially sleep schedules and meal times, support kids’ emotional regulation.
For families, finding time to check in, laugh, or relax together helps create a buffer against external stress.
Increase self-care and nourishment in the home. Excess sugar, caffeine, alcohol, salt - all the things - can impact our mental health and ability to self-regulate, take perspective, and process.

Engaging Love and Hope: Taking Meaningful Positive Action

In times like these, love and hope are not just comforting ideals; they’re essential lifelines for our children. Fear and division may be loud, but love is a powerful counterforce that sustains us and keeps us connected. Teaching our kids to cultivate hope and see the goodness in the world is both an act of resistance and resilience.

Modeling Lovingkindness
Show kids that love isn’t just a feeling; it’s an active practice. Share simple acts of kindness with them—whether it’s checking in on a friend, volunteering, or sharing gratitude at mealtime. These small acts are powerful reminders that we each contribute to a world where compassion and humanity matter. When we show up in love, it also calms kids’ nervous systems, creating a sense of safety and showing them they can respond to the world with kindness.

Building Hope Through Action
Hope isn’t passive; it’s a mindset rooted in the belief that positive change is possible. Empower kids to take age-appropriate actions that align with their values. Whether that’s learning about sustainability, advocating for causes they care about, or simply writing a kind note to someone, they’ll feel the power of hope through their actions. Explain that while we can’t control everything, we can control the way we show up and contribute to positive change.

Focusing on What’s Going Right
Make a habit of sharing uplifting stories and pointing out examples of people working to make the world better. Remind them that for every troubling news story, there are also people choosing to support, protect, and care for each other. Share stories of individuals or organizations working toward positive goals—they reinforce that love and hope are alive and making a difference.

Practicing Gratitude
Gratitude shifts focus from what we lack or fear to what we appreciate. Practicing gratitude together helps kids feel grounded and see the goodness around them. Try a daily gratitude practice—whether it’s sharing three good things at the end of the day or making a “gratitude jar” where everyone writes down things they’re grateful for. This simple habit builds resilience and shows kids that even in challenging times, there’s always something to be thankful for.

Thank you for reading! May this election week run smoothly and be filled with the power of love. My blogs are infrequent but full of content. I would rather give you quality over quantity. If you would like to receive my monthly newsletter, please sign up! For bite-sized deeper dives into learning how to Build a Mindful Life, please sign up for my emails and you will be the first to know about the courses I’m rolling out very soon.

May you be well.

Shelly

Concept

This election is different. I’m writing this post because I’m a parent and a mental health professional working with teens, parents, and families. I see what young people are grappling with today, and it’s heartbreaking. Now is the time for adults to lean in, engage with their feelings, and have hard conversations to help our young people through this challenging period (and it might just help us too). Scroll to the bottom for Ways to Support and look on the side for additional resources.