How to Have a Mindful Summer

Jun 1

INTENTIONAL PLANNING FOR A SUMMER FILLED WITH WHAT YOU NEED

Mindful Summer Planning — **Build a life that is restorative, joyful, and revitalizing.**

Story

“It’s only been 4 days and everything feels like it’s going off the rails. Work is still happening, but now I’ve got all these extra humans at home during the day or on a camp schedule. My head hurts from trying to finish a major project at work AND figure out food prep for this crowd, while also trying to have meaningful family time. Summer is supposed to be fun! Why is this so stressful!?”

I’m listening to my friend, nodding in complete, visceral understanding. Summer has landed.

The time leading up to summer is full of transitions, changes, and milestones, all requiring time and energy that can be challenging in an already packed life. For individuals, partners, and parents, there can be unique challenges that need intentional space to reconcile.

Summer brings more daylight, later nights, an increase in social invitations, and vacations. Many professionals find that preparing for a vacation often means working extra hours in the weeks leading up just to ensure everything is in order before they can disconnect. Couples can have very different ideas of what summer downtime looks like. Often people are scrambling last minute to figure out a vacation when they see the first wave of social media with all the people who made it to some fabulous tropical island at the end of May.

I have listened to thousands of parents lament the cultural paradox of work not stopping while kids are in a completely different rhythm from the school year. These parents are educated. They’ve read the child development books, heard Dr. Becky on a podcast, and copied the tech time chart from Instagram. They know enough to realize the research supports deeply attuned quality time with their kids. But how do we get all of this quality time in a world that does not stop?

Just because good things are happening, doesn’t mean they are not stressful.

A mindful shift to summer means intentional planning. I recommend to all clients that they take time at the beginning of this sunny season of possibility to get grounded in what they actually want and need to happen. When you share a life with a partner and/or kids, then getting everyone to the table is particularly helpful. Bringing focused attention and intention to planning creates more free time that is restorative, joyful, and revitalizing.

At the end of this post are a few tips and 2 worksheets for mindfully planning summer.

First, a note on resistance. Many of us have deep programming that summer should be carefree and light, without a plan. We have visions of spontaneous road trips, abandoning work for meeting up with friends, children happily minding while running in the park until exhausted and enjoying popsicles while we stare at a tree (is that just me). If you stop to imagine what summer “should be” there are thousands of images that will flood in. Or pick up social media and by June 1st someone has posted a now quintessential pic of their feet stretched out with an ocean in the background. It’s easy to feel like we’re failing at something by not having these spontaneous, beautiful, easy lives. BUT the reality is that hardly anyone is having THAT life. Most people have worked very hard to get to that one breezy moment where everyone was smiling on IG.

We live in an ever-increasingly fast-paced world driven by constant connection through technology. The quicker we are able to communicate, the quicker we are expected to work, make decisions, and be more productive. To thrive in our current culture, life needs mindful, intentional planning. I want people to shift from just scheduling time to managing their energy. Where do you want to invest your life force? As Dan Siegel, interpersonal neurobiology guru, always says, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” What are you giving your energy to on a daily, weekly, quarterly, and yearly basis? The following tips and worksheets can help you address that big question in the coming weeks.

Tips for Mindful Summer Planning

Schedule Planning Meeting

Sounds simple, but blocking time to be intentional is where we start. Rather than the thousand little moments of wasted energy that come from fly-by thoughts, take time to be with what you want and need.

Start with Breathing, Feelings & Values

Everything makes more sense when we’re mindful. That’s because the practices that help us come to the present moment involve calming our anxious fight/flight response and gives us full access to our pre-frontal cortex, exactly what we need to make a solid plan. :) So we start with finding our mindful body and breathing. A great opening question is, “How do I/we want to feel this summer?” If the answer is relaxed, kind, and happy, it will guide different choices than if the answer is adventurous, wild, and free. Weave your seasonal values into your planning as an anchor for decision-making. We can’t do it all, so this helps you center on what actually matters.

Lower the Bar

Be realistic about what you can and can’t get done. This year I finally stopped saying, “In summer I’m going to…”. I realized that every year around March I start fantasizing and promoting all of these big things I’m going to get done in 8 short weeks. These things range from cleaning out closets and weekend road trips, to repairing all the relationships that were lost during the busy school year and writing a book (cue major eye rolling). Instead, take summer planning time to get very clear about what is possible.

Ask about Needs, Wants & Desires

Needs are essential, Wants contribute to your restoration and happiness, and Desires are the cherry on top—those extra special plans that bring meaningful connection and promote awe & wonder.

Find the Balance Through Compromise

If your summer involves others (maybe a partner or those kids I kept mentioning), then everyone needs to be involved. The more personalities, the more wants. A beautiful compromise arises from collaborative conversations. Everyone gets to express what they want, even if they can't get it exactly. Through these conversations, you can find compatible themes and connecting points. If you are planning a vacation with friends or family, perhaps everyone gets to choose one special thing they want to experience, and that shapes the plan.

Central Schedule

Old school big paper or whiteboard is your friend. In an age of digital calendars, let me take your brain back to a very satisfying space of seeing the big picture. Planning with intention means we step back and view the whole season. Having something physical in a space everyone can stop and see helps with getting the head and heart around the bigger plan. It also cuts down on fly-bys, rushed, out-of-context, to-dos/wants that are often shouted out when they suddenly become top-of-mind for you, but no one else. These are hard to process. Very different energy from, “Hey, check the big planning calendar and then we can sit down after dinner and figure it out.”

Make the Plan to Break the Plan

You have to make the plan to break the plan. Having something in place can be about reserving intentional time. The more you create space in your schedule, the more choice you have in the moment to decide what actually matters and what fits the mood of the day/week. You really can cancel that weekend road trip and go to the concert instead.

Final Note for Families with Kids

Bedtime is a thing. It is one of the biggest topics I hear parents arguing over. The general rule is agree on a summer bedtime that allows your kids to get all the sleep they need for good health. Decide how much sleep your kids need then pick a consistent wake-up time. Work backwards to figure out what you want bedtime to be (yes, even though it may still be light out). If you’re going to let them blow the bedtime routine, remember that usually 3 nights off-routine will take kids under the age of 9 yrs old 1-2 weeks to get back in their regular routine. A final tip is to end sugar, processed foods, and high-stimulation screen time about 3 hours before you want them to fall asleep.

Mindfully planning gives us the space to be present for this beautiful life. May you enjoy a Summer filled with connection, calm and fun!!

Shelly

Concept

A mindful shift to summer means intentional planning. Take time at the beginning of this sunny season of possibility to get grounded in what you actually want and need to happen. Use the tips & worksheets at the end of post to get everyone on the same page. Bringing focused attention and intention to planning creates more free time that is restorative, joyful, and revitalizing.