Keep Your Heart Open
CULTIVATING THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF LOVE
Sharon Salzberg
May you know the fearlessness of an open heart.
Story
I want to tell you something. Your heart is vast—an open space capable of more love than you can imagine. Love that changes lives, rebuilds worlds, and innovates new realities. Your heart is not just a drop in the sink; it is the ocean, maybe even the Universe. We are capable of empathy that heals and transforms, courage that takes risks and expands life, connection that nurtures humanity, and compassion that softens us into deep collective wisdom.
In an age of psychology, we often get stuck in compartmentalizing experiences. While definitions and roadmaps can be helpful, they can also limit our imagination when it comes to the power of our humanity.
Asking the Heart
How is my heart? I ask myself this question after a long stretch of supporting people in this time of uncertainty—a moment so complex it is difficult to name. I feel heavy, sticky, complicated, with varying waves of fear and anticipatory grief—like the chaos of taking shelter when all the city tornado sirens are going off. And yet, at the same time, I feel the light steadily increasing, like the sun moving through the trees on a morning hike. I feel the laughter and tender connections of families gathering, friends collaborating, and communities showing up for each other in the aftermath of natural disasters. We are in a profound, earth-shaping moment of our hearts holding the both/and.
There has always been suffering. But something about this moment is different. More people are feeling it all at once. How do we keep our hearts open when none of us can escape the pain of the world—and day by day, that pain gets closer to home? This can feel like an impossible question.
The Path to an Open Heart
I offer you a path that starts with loving ourselves, as practicing an open heart is an act of self-love. Keeping our hearts open requires a balance of spiritual wisdom and psychological resilience. It allows us to navigate injustice, pain, and uncertainty. Fear and rigidity may feel protective, and in some ways, they are. But staying in them too long blocks our capacity for connection, love, and wise action.
Keeping an open heart doesn’t mean accepting harm or bypassing reality. Instead, it means staying present and engaged while holding space for complexity. Cultivating an open heart is not a passive act born of luxury—it is a fierce state of strength. It is where we remember our humanity and act with wisdom, shifting from a mindset of "me" to "we."
For as much love as there is in the world, there are also forces of pain—people shutting down, acting from shame, perpetuating harm. But I want to remind you: loved people love people. This is why we begin by loving ourselves and each other as fiercely as we can.
A dear healer once told me that when our hearts break, they can break wide open—becoming bigger, more expansive, more capable of feeling. Our instinct is to protect, collapse, cover, and hold our hearts. But staying closed too long increases fear and anxiety, eroding resilience. When we allow feelings to move through us, we open to joy, belonging, and purpose. Let that sink in.
Maybe take a mindful breath, place a hand on your heart, and try saying: “I deeply feel Joy, Belonging, & Purpose in this world.” When we feel disconnected from these three, then we know we’re in a moment of needing support.
A friend of mine co-owns a mental health company called Bardo Consulting, named after the Sanskrit word for the transitional space between death and rebirth. Their tagline, “The only way out is through,” perfectly captures what it means to work with an open heart. People I know with the biggest hearts have usually been through hard things, AND they had the relationships, resources, communities, and environment to be held as they worked through this time. What do you need and where are your resources?
The Fear of Openness
A common fear is that keeping the heart open means having no boundaries. There is a fear of feeling too much, of absorbing others’ pain, of being vulnerable in a way that leads to harm. Healthy boundaries, like flossing your teeth, are a daily practice. Often, the problem isn’t just the energy coming at us—it’s the old programming from childhood, where our boundaries may have been distorted.
Perhaps you were the one who absorbed family pain, the "identified patient" in your household. Maybe the adults meant to care for you couldn’t hold their own boundaries. Maybe you carry a generational story of betrayal, passed down as a warning. Our first 20 years on the planet greatly influence how we process our experience, whether that is family, genetics, or environment.
Examining these stories with love, compassion, and guidance can help us heal. These protective layers once served us, but stepping into our present, empowered self means integrating the past and building a life that is meaningful, and sustainable for us. Sometimes the old patterns just are not a fit for your life.
What Closes and Reopens the Heart
Closing the heart is protective. Which is metaphorical…we’re always feeling and experiencing - it’s just whether or not we’re aware. And the coping skills, reactions, habit formations that occur from this space are a creative adaptive strategy to deal with something very difficult. It’s usually an event or chronic situation where we felt very alone, scared, deeply hurt, unsafe, or shamed. So as I tell all the people I talk with - TONS OF SELF-COMPASSION.
When I was 15 years old, the first guy I dated (think kind, football star, respectful, so cute) died in a car accident. At my conservative religious school, as we gathered in grief and shock, a church leader told us that someone in that room had prayed for patience, for kindness, for peace—and that this boy’s death was the answer to that prayer. They said we needed to be good because our chance at salvation was now because of this death we caused. To tell that to teenagers was a level of control and an abuse of power that was beyond comprehension. This was the epitome of how a belief system gets weaponized. And I’m sure that church leader meant well by his lemons-to-lemonade salvation-style approach, but this is an example of how people in power can use internalized belief systems to manipulate and control. Fear, overwhelm, compartmentalization, and exhaustion are natural responses to being harmed at the individual level as well as societal injustice—especially when we get hurt by other humans we trust and/or are in a relationship with.
That was the day I stopped praying. My heart definitely felt closed. The idea that God would kill someone to teach us a lesson violated everything I knew in my heart about being human. I wrapped my heart up in shields of protection that were invisible to the outside world and grew increasingly cautious about the nature of love and God….eventually waking up to understanding my fears were more connected to human interpretation of those areas of the heart. That wasn’t the only painful moment that shaped my path, but it was a turning point. My life has been a constant inquiry into belief—into meaning and understanding, and reaching to feel Love’s presence within it all.
My open heart today is hard-earned. It has been shaped by decades of questioning, by deep encounters with the unknown, and through powerful relationships. It is woven together with threads of Buddhism, Christianity, Shamanism, Judaism, Indigenous traditions, Hinduism, Celtic spirituality, Humanism, Transcendentalism—and the wisdom of writers like Mary Oliver, Wendell Berry, John O'Donohue, bell hooks, Eddie Vedder, Ram Das, Pema Chödrön, and Maya Angelou. Through the ancient wisdom and beings who are conduits of Love (and a lot of therapy), I’ve weaved my way back to a slow unfurling of my heart, transforming prayer into an active, dynamic process of engaging with mystery and the wholeness of the Universe. Prayer is a meditation, a walk in the woods, a conversation with dear friends, laughing with my family as we play Dungeons and Dragons. It’s a lifeline to our interconnectedness as beings and a way to express my love and desire to end suffering for all.
The Cost of Shutting Down
Staying in our protective place for too long eventually hurts us. We can withdraw too deeply into an internal mindset that holds us hostage - usually with some pretty damaging beliefs.
I can’t trust anyone.
I am alone.
If it’s going to get done, it has to be me.
Life is hard and then I die.
I’ll never be enough. Have enough. They are not enough.
Everyone will potentially hurt me.
I don’t deserve them or they don’t deserve me.
Do you feel how this is a voice (for those who work with me - a Committee Member) who is desperately trying to avoid pain by taking away all risk of failure? This voice is not a blueprint for a happy, joyful, purpose-filled life that is deeply rooted in healthy relationships and communities. It will keep us small and fearful. While it once protected us - gave us that additional filter for keeping us safe during a hard time, it cannot grow with us. Working with opening the heart means addressing this inner voice and putting it in it’s proper place. It can call things to attention, but it’s never in charge.
Many cultures around the world have a word for the life force energy moving through us. This is another way to be with what it means to close and open the heart. In East Asian Medicine, this energy is called the Qi. And rather than going into a long description, I’m going to direct you to this beautiful video because I want you to feel it. In this video, Darby Sherman, a Doctor of Acupuncture Medicine, explains how the qi is the flow of energy moving through us. When we close the heart, it’s like closing down the inner flow. This can lead to physical, mental, and emotional issues. But opening the heart is a practice that helps open the qi and creates health, life, flow, adaptability to change, purpose, perspective, and connection.
The Danger of a Closed Heart in the Collective
Hurt people hurt people. You don’t have to look far to see this playing out. On a larger scale, we hear the word "narcissist" more now than ever before. While the term is overused, it’s worth considering. Imagine narcissism on a scale of 1 to 100. Below 50 and things are still workable. The person may have a wound driving self-survivalist actions and behaviors, but there’s still an opening for being influenced by the love of others and finding a healing path for integrating their pain. This Tony Stark-like persona has a remarkable capacity for doing work in this world that not many people would have the fortitude to hold. They lead things. They climb ladders. They innovate. They often keep people close who will keep their ego in check and translate their choices into more humane approaches.
But what about the 51 to 100 on the scale? What about when it becomes so entrenched that now we have a personality structure that is inflexible and rigid? This person with a chronically conditioned closed heart can inflict a lot of damage. There’s an internalized or externalized anger that can go unchecked. And the more this person craves validation, attention, and power, while demonstrating a profound lack of empathy, the more they run over other people’s lives without consideration of the consequences. This pain is usually addressed through a collective response, rather than waiting on that person to wake up to their actions.
A Culture on the Brink of Change
As much as some of the current power structures are creating confusion, chaos, and pain, the problems in our culture did not start with them. The deep wounds of our systems have been surfacing over and over, demanding to be reckoned with. This is how trauma moves in a human body as well—emerging into awareness to be seen, to be held, to be transformed. The human spirit wants to find another way, to translate suffering into wisdom and love. We grow in a state of love—giving, receiving, keeping an open heart, and offering it freely. Deepening our inner life connection and then extending that care out into the world is how we work with these energies.
Stories have long been a way of helping people feel. I offer you a sample of stories I’ve heard and read about recently. An elderly Appalachian woman terrified she’ll lose Medicare. A farmer in California wondering how to support the farm workers who have become like family, losing sleep over how to keep his business going. A single mom in Chicago wondering how she’ll feed her children if the free lunch program at school gets cut. A DEI committee at a business in Arkansas, working for five years on a plan that’s created a fairer, healthier workplace, being told they’re no longer allowed to meet. A teacher in New York crying in the bathroom after school, having heard a full day of worries from her immigrant students about family members, friends, or themselves being taken by ICE. A husband in North Carolina terrified that his U.S. citizen wife, of Latin American descent, could be pulled over by police while driving. A gay couple in Alabama preparing their passports in case they need to escape. A mother quietly asking her trusted pediatrician about a plan if herd immunity starts to decline and how to protect her child with immunity challenges. Yes, that last one was me.
This small handful of stories I encountered last week is just a tiny sample of the suffering being ignited right now. But there’s always been suffering, both here in our country and around the world. We are in a moment of illumination, witnessing pain that has long been hidden—philosophies, dogmas, beliefs—entire systems falling and failing. I’ve heard references stretching from Babylonia to The Tower card, which may be pointing to the same truth: our world needs change. Or maybe it’s the people in the world. But who gets to decide how that change happens?
Those stuck in pain are not the only ones shaping our world. We all have the capacity to step into our light and contribute. In this time of chaos, I’ve been hearing the call for change answered by open hearts. In the stories above, I also heard the stirrings of initiative, care, creativity, and innovation. None of these individuals are alone. There are also non-profits tirelessly working to ensure food security, groups of doctors gathering to advocate for patient rights, family members researching safe locations, a teacher’s circle supporting families, and kind hearts helping people connect to resources. When I arrived at our local interfaith center early to set up my weekly meditation class, I found a packed room of “earthkeepers”—people with businesses committed to sustainability.
We have an opportunity now to step into this world, this reality, with fully activated, open hearts. And I know that’s extraordinarily difficult. You might think that because of my work, keeping an open heart comes naturally to me—that it’s my job to inspire, ignite, and create spaces of healing. But the truth is, it’s a practice I embrace every single day.
Feeling the Open Heart
What does an open heart feel like? For me, it feels like home within myself and a deep belonging in the world. It's a warm, steady current of gratitude and an open invitation to joy and connection. I know you know this feeling! Call into your mind moments like standing at the ocean, holding someone you love, watching fireworks, dancing at a concert, belting out your favorite song, hiking in the wilderness, crying because a movie moved you, feeling utter relief when you hear good news, holding someone’s hand when they’re sad, playing with your pets, laughing until it hurts, watching a sunrise, reading a book you can’t get enough of, or feeling inspired and getting that great idea on paper.
In my teen mindfulness class we shared around the circle a “really good memory with food.” And I haven’t experienced that much unexpected joy in a long time! There were stories of grandparents cooking special meals, travel adventures, weird foods with friends, terrible food but it’s a night they’ll never forget type stories. I shared a moment with my family where were at the end of a day, where we’d covered about 15 miles of historical Boston and were exhausted. But to get us through that last stop of Paul Revere’s home, we dragged ourselves in the cold spring day to a 4th generation owned Italian pastry shop. We ate the most delicious chocolate cream-filled eclairs while sitting on a bench in the sun and laughing at absolutely nothing….just happy to be sitting and sharing the sweet moment.
John Prendergast, psychotherapist and author of The Deep Heart, wrote this intro to answer this question.
“THERE IS A LIGHT in the core of our being that calls us home—one that can only be seen with closed eyes. We can feel it as a radiance in the center of our chest. This light of loving awareness is always here, regardless of our conditioning. It does not matter how many dark paths we have traveled or how many wounds we have inflicted or sustained as we have unknowingly stumbled toward this inner radiance. It does not matter how long we have sleepwalked, seduced by our desires and fears. This call persists until it is answered, until we surrender to who we really are. When we do, we feel ourselves at home wherever we are. A hidden beauty reveals itself in our ordinary life. As the true nature of our Deep Heart is unveiled, we feel increasingly grateful for no reason—grateful to simply be.”
We Are a Collective
My journey of opening my heart was never a solo act. From family to college roommates, to mentors, to my amazing partner, to all my soul-friends -people with the biggest hearts have always been in my life and modeled love for me. Humans grow toward goodness when we are loved. Holding each other in connection is a mutually compassionate, empowering experience. I imagine that is the true meaning of "being Christlike."
We won’t all have open hearts at the same time. Sometimes we go quickly into that protection because we need to. We take turns in our suffering. And we take turns in our helping. Sometimes we are the ones in the hospital, sometimes we are the caretakers, and sometimes we are the ones snuggled safely in bed, offering gratitude for the love that sustains us. Sometimes we’re the leader in the healthcare company, government agency, or university lab working on solutions and advancements in helping people heal. We each have a role in every moment of life that impacts us and other people.
Opening the Heart is an Opportunity
We have an opportunity to grow as individuals and evolve as a world - what does opening your heart look like today? Are you stepping into your life open or closed in your heart? What does a heart-centered, heart-engaged humanity look like? What can you dream up and what is your role in it? Everyday we have an opportunity to make our lives and someone else’s life better. We create a ripple effect that is so big, we all feel it.
In this moment, as the world aches and transforms, I invite you to consider: How is your heart? And what do you need so you can love yourself and others into a deeper, more expansive humanity?
Heart Openers
If you're on your own journey of keeping your heart open, here are some things that may help:
Find the Helpers
Look for the elders, mentors, and wise ones. Though I’ve faced pain, I’ve also been blessed by extraordinary humans who showed up just in time. I can name at least ten people who have truly seen me and helped me return to myself.
Gather Your Circle
Find others who want to keep their hearts open and present during this challenging time. It could be a knitting circle, a meditation circle or an inclusivity committee at work. Find your people and hang out. Share your heart and have some fun (and maybe make a plan to change the world).
Relearn to Soften
Softening is a lifelong practice. Over time, we build layers of protection—this is natural—but we often forget that real strength is found in openness. When we soften toward ourselves with compassion and extend that same softness to others, transformation happens. This looks like a kind word to your partner, a call to check on a friend, a snuggle with your kid, or stopping to feel the sun on your walk. It’s a moment of noticing when we are hard on ourselves and we take a breath and offer self-compassion.
Read and Listen to Openhearted Voices
When in doubt, seek voices that expand your heart. Listen to podcasts like Pulling the Thread or On Being. Journal to release whatever is blocking your openness.
Practice Mindfulness
When you meditate, breathe in and imagine your body softening. Let wisdom arise from that space. Most people already know what they need; they just need space to hear themselves. My work has never been about giving answers but shining a light so others can find their own.
Lovingkindness Meditation with Sharon Salzberg
Friendly Wishes with Susan Kaiser Greenland (do this with your kids!)
Move Your Body
This is my personal growth edge for 2025. Ancient forms of movement—yoga, qi gong, ecstatic dance—keep us open by helping us work with our protective energies rather than against them. Here are two of my favorites I frequently share with clients:
Yoga with Adrienne Heart Opener
The Class for Caregivers Shaking Practice
Feel It, Don’t “Fix It”
You cannot fix-it-energy the world, but you can feel it. Feel your feelings means taking space to internally organize your experience and name it so your system understands it. In the process of feeling it, something shifts—something integrates. Love expands. Wise action emerges.
Hold Onto Your Heart, Then Give It Away
Carry your heart with care, and when you can, offer it to others. Compassionate action helps us all. Often giving what we most wish we would receive is the path to a big, open, generative, joyful heart. :)
May you be well,
Shelly
Concept
Keeping our hearts open requires a balance of spiritual wisdom and psychological resilience. It allows us to navigate injustice, pain, and uncertainty. Fear and rigidity may feel protective, and in some ways, they are. But staying in them too long blocks our capacity for connection, love, and wise action. Engaging in heart openers can help keep your humanity in hard times.
Practice
Mindful Journaling:
Take 20 minutes to journal about this post. If you don’t know where to start, work with one of the questions at the end. Begin with mindful breathing. This post on Working with Thoughts has a journaling worksheet at the end that gives a clear structure.
Mindfulness: Take in the Sun
You’ll find a pic at the end of this post of me doing this one with my kid. You sit or stand in nature, close your eyes (to protect them!!!) and turn towards the sun. Soak it in while mindfully breathing. Allow the sun’s energy to infuse every cell with light and new life, opening your heart.
Daily Orienting Question:
How is my heart? And what do I need so I can love myself and others into a deeper, more expansive humanity?
